Saturday 4 June 2011
Thursday 2 June 2011
Suicide Note
I received the following from my mom last night. I'll paste her email, and then attach the letter as images. Please treat this with sensitivity; the decision to share it wasn't easy.
Ana
Hello my sweet girl.
From our phone call I can tell that you’re doing a lot of soul searching these days. And I can guess from the questions you asked about your father, that living in Belfast is stirring up the past for you. Just be careful. As you know, analyzing too much can be a dangerous thing.
Anyway. It’s quite interesting, everything you told me about the Pleiades play. Quite a coincidence that it’s the same subject as your dissertation, isn’t it? I have a feeling you may have chosen Messier 45 because of your father. When you were about five or six he used to speak about those stars; do you remember that? It was a difficult time with him, so I do my best to forget it. But maybe it’s relevant now.
In those days, I think his work wasn’t absorbing him enough, and his mind started going. He became obsessed with ancient Talmudic scripture, historically I mean, and apparently the Pleiades has some significance there. Your dad was quite low at the time, a bit off the rails if you want the truth. He was obsessed with the number seven, obsessed with maps. But then, after a while, he found a new job and we moved to Belfast and it turned. We were fine for a short while again.
Oh, Ana. All this has me worried about you. I’m sure you’ll be fine, and yet, sometimes I think you have his nature in certain ways. I think I can spot the signs now, and something in our phone call today reminded me of your father. But maybe I’m just worrying too much.
Still. I’m attaching a letter from your father. Not because I especially want to, but because I think it’s time. I don’t know what you’ll make of it. I hope it helps you through what you’re dealing with right now, gives you some insight. As a protective mother, I admit I hope it turns you away from this mystery. Think of what happened to your father, Ana.
I love you, and please phone me again if you need anything at all.
Love and hugs,
Mom
Ana
Hello my sweet girl.
From our phone call I can tell that you’re doing a lot of soul searching these days. And I can guess from the questions you asked about your father, that living in Belfast is stirring up the past for you. Just be careful. As you know, analyzing too much can be a dangerous thing.
Anyway. It’s quite interesting, everything you told me about the Pleiades play. Quite a coincidence that it’s the same subject as your dissertation, isn’t it? I have a feeling you may have chosen Messier 45 because of your father. When you were about five or six he used to speak about those stars; do you remember that? It was a difficult time with him, so I do my best to forget it. But maybe it’s relevant now.
In those days, I think his work wasn’t absorbing him enough, and his mind started going. He became obsessed with ancient Talmudic scripture, historically I mean, and apparently the Pleiades has some significance there. Your dad was quite low at the time, a bit off the rails if you want the truth. He was obsessed with the number seven, obsessed with maps. But then, after a while, he found a new job and we moved to Belfast and it turned. We were fine for a short while again.
Oh, Ana. All this has me worried about you. I’m sure you’ll be fine, and yet, sometimes I think you have his nature in certain ways. I think I can spot the signs now, and something in our phone call today reminded me of your father. But maybe I’m just worrying too much.
Still. I’m attaching a letter from your father. Not because I especially want to, but because I think it’s time. I don’t know what you’ll make of it. I hope it helps you through what you’re dealing with right now, gives you some insight. As a protective mother, I admit I hope it turns you away from this mystery. Think of what happened to your father, Ana.
I love you, and please phone me again if you need anything at all.
Love and hugs,
Mom
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