Ana
Hello my sweet girl.
From our phone call I can tell that you’re doing a lot of soul searching these days. And I can guess from the questions you asked about your father, that living in Belfast is stirring up the past for you. Just be careful. As you know, analyzing too much can be a dangerous thing.
Anyway. It’s quite interesting, everything you told me about the Pleiades play. Quite a coincidence that it’s the same subject as your dissertation, isn’t it? I have a feeling you may have chosen Messier 45 because of your father. When you were about five or six he used to speak about those stars; do you remember that? It was a difficult time with him, so I do my best to forget it. But maybe it’s relevant now.
In those days, I think his work wasn’t absorbing him enough, and his mind started going. He became obsessed with ancient Talmudic scripture, historically I mean, and apparently the Pleiades has some significance there. Your dad was quite low at the time, a bit off the rails if you want the truth. He was obsessed with the number seven, obsessed with maps. But then, after a while, he found a new job and we moved to Belfast and it turned. We were fine for a short while again.
Oh, Ana. All this has me worried about you. I’m sure you’ll be fine, and yet, sometimes I think you have his nature in certain ways. I think I can spot the signs now, and something in our phone call today reminded me of your father. But maybe I’m just worrying too much.
Still. I’m attaching a letter from your father. Not because I especially want to, but because I think it’s time. I don’t know what you’ll make of it. I hope it helps you through what you’re dealing with right now, gives you some insight. As a protective mother, I admit I hope it turns you away from this mystery. Think of what happened to your father, Ana.
I love you, and please phone me again if you need anything at all.
Love and hugs,
Mom
Ana, never in my life have I read something with so much respect for the poster as I have today.. this must have been such a painful thing to post for you.. no words can describe what you must have gone through when you received this from your mother. I can understand that she is trying to push this away. I only hope you can deal with this better than your mom can. Please continue to communicate, so you can deal with this over time..
ReplyDeleteDraghkar
Ana, I can only go along with Draghkar, he has very eloquently expressed also my feelings, when I read your mother's and father's letter. You are a very brave young woma to be sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI also share your concerns about Meri, her complete silence is worrying. Do you remember any places in Belfast, that she may have gone to? Where do her sisters live or where may they have met up? Did she have any favourite hang-outs, has she mentioned some places when you spoke to her the last times? Maybe these could be clues to finding her or at least finding out about what ever situation she may be in right now.
Helen.
I agree with Draghkar, too... you must be having a really hard time right now.
ReplyDeleteIt's been about three weeks since this [in]visible belfast thing officially started, and we still don't know what our objective is, or if we're even making any progress. But my intuition tells me this is the part where we start learning what's going on. Meri's story is far from over, and there's likely more to your father's tragedy. I have the morbid feeling that your father is at the centre of all of this. That way, it would be easy to suspect the writer he mentioned to be @visiblebelfast, and you being the "protagonist" he chose would make perfect sense.
It would be insensitive to ask for more details about your father's death, so I won't. Hang in there, Ana. If nothing else, you have the conspirators on your side.
I agree with what everyone else has said here, and I want to add that it's clear from these pages, judging particularly from the fact that he spoke about you so much with the man in the pub, that your father thought the world of you--and I hope you can draw strength and comfort from that.
ReplyDeleteNaglfar has said that the writer mentioned could be @visiblebelfast, and I think it's almost certain that there's a connection given the story on the latest page, but what if the writer is actually Ciaran Carson? It certainly sounds like it could be (for one thing, Carson does smoke).
Maybe it's time to talk to him?
Thank you all for the support. It means so much.
ReplyDelete@draghkar I'm afraid to find out more, but I'm not going to abandon it now, don't worry. :)
@Helen Meri was my best childhood friend, we've only kept in touch marginally in the past decade (like by Facebook and the occasional email). I wouldn't know anything about her current habits, unfortunately. But I feel like she is the key to everything. I have to talk to her.
@Naglfar I agree, not knowing what's really happening or why is starting to make me feel slightly crazy. And the fact that it seems to have so much to do with my father ... I agree.
@EK I could try emailing him. I'll do that.
Wait. thelostcity.html... that's your story, isn't it?
ReplyDelete